Friday, December 31, 2010

1000 Words


Our new favorite alert reader calls himself Joey and his screen captures of some of SuxNews's most representative moments make us laugh every time we see them.

Check 'em out here on photobucket, and do yourself a favor by subscribing to the RSS feed. Don't forget to read Joey's captions, which make the pics even better.

Happy New Year!

Counting

Congratulations to SuxNews's lithpy morning yeller Jimmy Siedlecki for ending the year with another factual error delivered in his trademark know-it-all voice.

While sharing his astute observations about Thursday night's Husker loss in the Holiday Bowl, Thiedlecki noted that the outcome left the Big 12 with an 0-4 bowl record so far this year.

But if Jimmy were even half the expert he imagines himself to be, he would have known that the conference is actually 1-4, with only Oklahoma State winning and Nebraska, Missouri, Kansas State, and Baylor losing. But that's a mighty big (and unrealistic) if.

We have no doubt that Jethro will keep up the thuper work in 2011.

• • •

Speaking of the Husker bowl game, what was the deal with the sound on KETV sports director Blandy Kendeigh's pre-game reports from San Diego? The segments aired at 5 and 6 p.m. on Thursday contained a pronounced buzz, as if Kendeigh had recorded them beneath a bank of malfunctioning flourescent lights.

Honestly, did no one notice this before airing the spots? That sort of lapse is inexcusable and it's a prime example of the laziness that has become all too common in this market.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Turnovers

Our predictions for 2011 :

At Channel Sux . . .

• The station's morning team will (mercifully) fall apart, starting with simple-minded anchorette Maltard Maddox's decision to become a simple-minded stay-at-home mom. Doing what it does best, Channel Sux will make a bad situation worse by naming bland reporter Ann McIntire to replace Maltard.

J-Pa Knicely will announce his "retirement" in the sort of thinly-disguised shove-out-the-door accorded Knicely's equally vapid (and expensive) former partner, Pat Persaud, several years ago. 

Brian Mastre will assume J-Pa's throne, and Jimmy Thiedlecki will move his cornpone act into the Mastrebator's 4 p.m. anchor slot. 

• Weekend anchor Jamie McCutcheon will leave the station, reducing the number of competent on-air staff by one-third.

• SuxNews will spend most of the year orienting a dozen or so new on-air staff hired off whatever turnip trucks or clown cars happen to pass through town.

At KETV . . .

Brandi Petersen's maternity leave will give the station a chance to try out Melissa Fry as weeknight co-achnor. The result may prompt Petersen to stay home on a permanent basis.

• Meteorologist Bill Randby will leave Omaha for Florida, opening the way for Channel Sux's eminently capable Caitlin Roth to become KETV's chief weatherguesser. 

• Channel 7 viewers will continue to suffer from the station's 2010 decision to hire sleep-inducing Andy Kendeigh as its sports director.

• Like their colleagues up Farnam Street, staffers at 7 will continue the chore of orienting the latest influx of new reporters.

At KMTV . . .

• Channel 3rd will continue to languish, which might prompt competent management to consider hiring anchors that viewers might notice or remember. Fortunately for the incumbent anchor team, Channel 3rd is not burdened with competent management.

Monday, December 27, 2010

John Knicely's Ron Burgundy Pronunciation of the Day

Introducing Maltard Maddox's canned "consumer" story on frozen pizza brands, J-Pa called DiGiorno "DEE-ghee-ORN-yoh."

Geez. Even Maltard got the pronumciation right on this one (although she did manage to twist Kashi into "KAW-shee").

Maybe J-Pa should sign up next time former anchor-hag Pat Persaud advertises a trip to Italy.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Freefall

The economy may be turning around, but the plunge in effort and quality continues unabated at Channel Sux.

Wednesday night found the dumbest of dumb blonds, Maltard Maddox, enlightening viewers about gift cards and whether folks enjoy getting them for Christmas.

Dumb story, you say, but how is that different from any other content-free story Maltard and SuxNews seem to specialize in?

Here's how:

Apparently, Maltard is now too brain-dead and lazy to even move her bloated, pregnant ass out onto the sidewalk in front of the station. Instead, her entire story consisted of her getting opinions from her co-workers.

That's right. Instead of coming up with an interesting story idea and then exerting even the slightest effort to make it interesting, Maltard thinks of an item and then stays within a radius of maybe 25 feet of her desk to get opinions from people in her office.

And so again, just when we think WOWT can't possibly get any worse, Maltard and her incompetent co-workers step up to prove us wrong.

Here's a gift idea: hand a pink slip to this moronic, sorry excuse for a journalist and everyone else like her that assigns or delivers crap like this.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Flashback

Seeing TLC "reality" fixture Kate Gosselin visit Sarah Palin's "reality" show reminds us of the time the Beverly Hillbillies visited Petticoat Junction, or when Mayberry's Sheriff Andy Taylor visited Gomer Pyle, USMC.

Sad to think how much more sophisticated those cross-promotions seem when compared to this current pairing of cable luminaries.

On the local level, perhaps SuxNews will follow suit, with Jethro Siedlecki and Ellie May Maddox doing a surprise walk-on to see J-Pa, Giggly Jim, and Ross the Chipmunk during the 6 or 10 p.m. news.

The visit could revolve around a mystery, like why video shot from a reporter's cell phone as he drives down the street makes it onto the air at their station. Or maybe the gang could figure who's dumb enough to pay good money to go on vacation with washed-up former anchor Pat Persaud.

We're getting excited just imagining the possibilities.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Stuffing

If we were narcissistic, we might think that SuxNews is just f-ing with us. Some of what they're airing lately is material that KPTM wouldn't have run even in its darkest days. That anyone can intro this stuff with a straight face (or any shred of self-respect) is truly remarkable.

Case in point: On Thursday's Live at Five, J-Pa "How Much Is That Hairpiece in the Window?" Knicely told viewers that every Thursday, the station is running a segment called "i-"something, which consists of sending out a team of its most worthless reporters to capture 30 seconds of shaky, cell-phone-quality video while talking about what they're shooting. 

On this installment, we were treated to sniveling dolt Gary Smollen mumbling about winter approaching as he recorded a man painting the railing on the Bob Kerry pedestrian bridge. As if that weren't enough, in-over-her-head warbler Ann McIntire panned up and down Howard Street while she told us that, in two days, the street would be closed for some event or another. 

For a full-blown story, "backpack journalist" Jeff Sabin broke a story about the existence of calorie counting apps for cell phones.

It's absolutely staggering to see what a pathetic shell of a news station WOWT has become. Not only is it staffed almost completely with third- and fourth-rate on-air talent, whoever is steering the ship is operating at an even lower level. 

How much worse can it get? We thought they'd hit bottom a couple of years ago, so we're probably not the ones to ask.


Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Smudgectomy

An alert reader notifies us of a delightful development at SuxNews:
Nadia Singh is leaving Channel Sux...its been plastered all over her facebook...she's headed back to somewhere on the east coast. Tragic, laughing @ her clown makeup is usually a great way to start my day.
Getting rid of this chubby little rascal with her bad haircut, one-size-too-small leather jacket, and monotone delivery can only help. Or so one might think, until the Suxers reveal what they scrape from the bottom of the barrel to replace her.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Fingered

It'd be hard to prove based on this site, but we really do restrain ourselves from pointing out every Channel Sux malfunction, miscue, and moronic comment. There are two reasons for this. 


First, a certain number of slip-ups are to be expected when you're doing live TV. 


Second, there are only 24 hours in a day.


We were going to overlook this next item, but since several alert readers called it to our attention, we decided to run with it. WARNING: It's gross. And we're not just talking about the station.


So, here's part of the email from our alert reader:

Did you catch the booger-eating incident Wednesday night? (Sorry it's gross). Of course, it was the lead story by Ann McIntire about a lady who shopped all night Thanksgiving and into Friday morning. She then had her packages stolen. As they interviewed the lady on her couch, her daughter in the background was picking her nose (sorry again) and eating the bounty. She did it twice!! I came off the couch laughing (the girl was not that young). It was in full view of the camera - I was so distracted I didn't even listen to what the woman was saying. I watched the replay at 10:30 but it looked like they fixed the cropping of the shot somewhat to cut off the incident in the background. I just couldn't believe they taped the interview that way, then aired it without noticing. 
Frankly, we're not surprised they aired it. What does surprise us is that McIntire wasn't the one eating the booger.



You are visitor number