Monday, April 27, 2009

Maltard Word of the Day

*dess: multiple losses of life (example: "The attack resulted in twinny-five dess.")

Monday, April 20, 2009

Maltard Word of the Day

KAWM-pin-SAY-shun: payment for employment (example: "Investors are angry about excessive kawmpinsayshun for top executives.")

Friday, April 17, 2009


An alert reader points out this piece of crack reporting on the SuxNews website.

Could the final two sentences of the story be any more contradictory?

Is Maltard writing in her spare time?


When we published our remarks regarding Wednesday's "tea parties," we were so inundated with vile comments that we had to shut down that feature on this site.

The gist of most—which we suspect would've been in crayon, had they been written on paper—suggested that we were mischaracterizing the folks who showed up there. They were not crackpots and they weren't anti-Obama and they weren't partisan, we were told.


Today brings a column by the Omaha World-Herald's Robert Nelson, who said he went to the "party" expecting a non-partisan gathering of sensible people concerned about the ramifications of increased government spending. This excerpt explains what he found:
This “tea party” was nothing more than a thinly veiled, talk-radio Republican crankfest attempting to rewrite recent history regarding debt, deficit spending, bailouts, stimulus dollars and taxes.

And out came the usual suspects. Signs heralding old immigrants (our forefathers) while denigrating the new ones (Mexicans). Dozens of signs blaming Obama for all the nation’s ills (he’s been president how long?). And the sign knocking 545 members of Congress, 10 more than there really are.

There were term-limits people, assault-weapons backers and the requisite number of the Scary Dudes in Funny Hats milling about and mumbling about The Government.

And so much of that smug, sanctimonious far-right posture: I love America more than you do. I love American vets more than you do. I’m the one who knows what God and the Founding Fathers intended.
Sounds not that different from what we saw. Apparently, we weren't as far off base as our nut-job commenters would have us believe.

Read Nelson's whole column here.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


A couple of readers have suggested that the aforementioned "tea parties" were not anti-Obama and that the attendees were mostly sensible-looking folks.

Apparently they missed the part where Texas's governor raised the specter of secession.

We've taken a few screen shots from local coverage; you can judge for yourself.


What a sad group of misfits, creepers, and pandering politicians.

Local idiots staged "tea parties" on Wednesday to demonstrate their outrage at taxes, government, liberals, terrorists, immigration, socialism, flouridated water, paved streets, secular humanism, public schools, flag-burning, the Kennedy assassination, the 14th Amendment, and anything else they think Barack Obama has done to destroy America during his 78 days in office.

And they got lots of coverage. Check out two examples, here, and here.

As Craig Ferguson pointed out Wednesday night, you have to appreciate the irony of conservatives—known for their opposition to gay rights (except in airport restrooms)—promoting an activity that they, themselves, refer to as "tea-bagging."


It's probably a sign of how little news there was on Wednesday.

Within minutes of each other, KETVNewswatchSeven and SuxNews managed to air stories about two different drivers whining about how the same pot-hole in a Home Depot parking lot damaged their cars.

The KETV version is here and the WOWTard account is here.

Maltard Word of the Day

(With Tracey Madden on vacation, SuxNews viewers are being treated to a dose of serial-mispronouncer Maltard Maddox on the evening newscasts.)

jawn: J-Pa's first name

Friday, April 03, 2009


Remember when, at the end of the Mary Tyler Moore Show's run, everybody got fired except bumbling anchor Ted Baxter? Remember when, after owning Channel 3rd for one sweeps period, Urinal Broadcasting dismissed anchors Greg Peterson and Deb Ward, but kept insufferable toolbag Travis Justice?

What happened at KPTM on Friday wasn't quite like those scenarios, except for the fact that J.J. Davis appears to have dodged the ax. But it doesn't seem fair that Scott Patterson, Julie Hong, and 20 other KPTM employees are looking for work while, just down Farnam Street, J-Tard Knicely, Jimmy Thiedlecki, Mayellorie Maddox, and Dave "Dale Altman" Webber are still wandering through newscasts and wasting our time with inane updates regarding their SuxOnline chats and Fubar Fazal is mush-mouthing her way through reports full of stunningly innacurate or downright useless information.

Apparently WJM's management has made it to Omaha after all.


Thursday, April 02, 2009

Mal-Tard Word of the Day

ender: below (example: "My I.Q. is ender a hunnerd.")

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Mal-Tard Word of the Day

SEM-it: meeting of world leaders
You are visitor number