Ann McIntyre reported on a man who tried to get a ball out his dog's gullet, only to be bitten by the dog. J-Pa Knicely even held up a ball to show us what the ball looked like. It was round. And yellow.
Then Mike McKnight used his sharply honed journalistic instincts to reveal that dangerous deer are lurking near the Platte River between Omaha and Lincoln. And they're going to kill us.
After a commercial break, J-Pa took up his post at the "Dot-Com Center" to prattle cluelessly about a link on the station's "Webchannel" about recalled refrigerators. They might kill us if the deer don't.
After some quick blather from Tracy Madden about a convenience store liquor license dispute that Channel Sux has done at least a half-dozen stories about, Cornpone Jimmy Thiedlecki shouted out a "Cone-Zthone" warning about road work being done between Sunset Avenue and Morningwood Lane or some-such remote location. Good thing he told us about that. We could've been killed.
Such is the news you get when you rely on the Big Sux.