Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mail

Contributions from two alert readers...

Letter Number One:
Did you see the ad in omahahelpwanted.com, and I think I also saw it while perusing the NE job bank:

http://regionalhelpwanted.com/Search/detail.cfm?SN=31&ID=20107968

They are also looking for a photojournalist. These ads are a couple of weeks old. 
Letter Number Two:
I just happened to be watching Channel Sux sports Saturday evening waiting for the NBC national news when Merlyn Santa Klaus was highlighting the Nebraska-OSU game. He showed highlights how it got tied at the end of regulation and then said that in overtime OSU had won 76-54, a two point loss for Nebraska. I have DVR so I rewound it because I couldn't believe he actually said that but it was there.  76-54, a two point loss.  Unfortunately, he's one of the better ones at Sux.

Monday, January 26, 2009

LOL

Kudos to the Channel Sux producer who gave Jimmy Thiedlecki copy that required him to say "slick streets." What a hoot! It's like that scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian when they hand Pontius Pilate a list of names starting with R.

"Bwing me Wodewick!"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Wonder

On one of the WOWT "Weather Authority" promos, Chief Ejacucaster Jim Flowers assures viewers that, during a storm, all his station's "resources" will be brought to bear to help viewers.

For those of you who may have moved here since June: Channel Sux possesses one "resource" that no other station has, and which it used for at least forty minutes during an overnight tornado last June (and we don't mean the "Dot-Com Center"). The Ejacucasters have reruns of the 1960s western series, "Wild, Wild West" standing by.

That's the kind of "authority" that'll help you sleep better, right?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Underwhelming

Every time we think the SuxNews team has run out of stupid, it manages to surprise us with its ability to produce more.

Today's exhibit (don't worry, there'll be another tomorrow, and the next day, and the...) is "Haley's Comment," WOWT's latest attempt at innovation. The idea, from what we can gather, involves sending a local college freshman named Haley Hatter, who was going to attend the inauguration anyway, to "cover" the festivities. 

Unable to resist, we took a look and were not particularly shocked by the low quality of what has been posted. Most items last roughly 30 seconds, although some appear to run right around the one minute mark. With riveting titles like "Outside White House," "National Mall," and "Packed Subway," the video resembles the kind of crap that you find on your own home video camera and say, "What the hell was I thinking?" 

Here are a few screen caps, to give you an idea of what we're dealing with:











Yeah, that's right. Shaky shots of the backs of people's heads at the White House gate, blurry images of passengers on a train, and crooked looks at a not-all-that-crowded National Mall. (We're not picking on poor Haley; this probably wasn't her idea, and even if it was, she's not the one who approved putting it on the station's website.)

But set aside for a moment questions you might have about (a) why anyone would want to watch this or (b) how many meetings and phone calls it took for the the SuxNews braintrust to hatch this plan; the real question is what kept them from putting it on the air (viewers were admonished to go to the "webchannel" to see it), given the rafts of sewage they dump in the transmitter every day.

However, now that they've lowered the bar yet another notch, why don't the Suxers build on this concept? They could have their "talent" add home video, give it a clever name (well, clever to them), and hype it mercilessly. 

We could watch Jimmy Thiedlecki trying to keep his kids from seeing the dog humping the postman's leg, Gary Smollen getting hit in the nuts with a tennis ball, or J-Pa Knicely just sitting for hours and staring at a cinderblock wall. 

The possibilities are endless, and we hope Channel Sux bigwigs will grant our wish by embracing this next step in innovative television.



Friday, January 16, 2009

Hope

Sometimes, dreams do come true. Well, half-true, at least.

Within a day of our suggesting that KETVNewswatchSeven's One-Woman Disaster, Fubar Fazal, ought to be looking to get out of town, an alert reader goes to Medialine.com and finds this gift from the heavens.

We especially like this line: "Proficiency in Spanish and French, and 4 East Indian dialects, some Arabic." You've gotta give her points for truth in advertising: there's nary a mention of proficiency in English. 

Now before we all get our hopes up, let's remember that someone still has to hire her, which hardly seems like a slam-dunk. (We still can't believe she got the job she has now.) 

Then again, if you look at her resumé, you'll note that she has somehow convinced eleven different employers to hire her over the past 20 or so years. As shown by people who watch Channel Sux and like it, there's no accounting for bad taste.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

Looking

We're adding what we hope will be a regular feature: a periodic scan of who's looking to get out of Omaha, based on postings at Medialine.com.

This week, KPTM's Julie Hong continues to look. She's far too talented for DuctTape 42 and neither Action 3rd nor Channel Sux seems smart enough to pick her up. Maybe KETV will have an opening (Fubar, are you listening?).

Also on the lookout for a better gig is Action 3rd's Chriss Knight.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sharp

Check out this cartoon mocking the Omaha World-Herald's rejection of a gay couple's wedding announcement. It is a pitch-perfect skewering of the local rag. We especially love the final panel.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Info

Note to the folks at the Channel Sux morning show, in response to your insipid promos: You don't have any information that anyone needs "as they step out the door" or "go about their day." People made it well into the 1980s without two monotonous hours of yammering, fourth-rate hacks with broadcasting degrees telling them that traffic was running smoothly or that they should allow a little extra time to get to work.

We understand that, at this point, delusion is probably the only thing that keeps Jimmy and Maladroit coming in at 4 a.m. every day, year after mind-numbing year. But you people need to find some other way to convince these two clowns that their work has any lasting value or meaning.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Unchanging

KETVNewswatchSeven's gaffe-master Fubar Fazal was at her usual level of excellence on Tuesday's 10 p.m. newscast, delivering an unnecessary live report on Omaha's efforts to lure a second minor league team to the area.

When anchor Brandi Peterson threw it to her, Fubar was standing in front of a big earth-mover of some sort, which was fine...until she had to speak.

"Workers have already started building this ballpark here (patting the earth-mover) in downtown Omaha," she began. Watching the clip, you'd swear she thinks the machine is the ballpark. 

She continued, "It's going to be home to an independent league of ballplayers, it could be home for an independent league of ballplayers who plays here over the summers."

After a lengthy taped segment, Fubar was live again when she said,

"Now the Sarpy County administrator told me tonight that the Omaha, uh, leaders' attempts to attract a new team here will not affect the discussions the Sarpy County's leaders are having with the [Omaha] Royals. He did tell me, though, he doesn't know yet how it will affect the details of that discussion."

Huh? He doesn't know how "it" (whatever that means) will affect the details of the discussions that won't be affected? 

Why do they allow this woman to do live reports? More to the point, why do they keep her at all? She is the one glaring,  unfixable fly in the ointment at KETV, and why she isn't escorted to the door is mystifying.

Enjoy the awful report, in all its badness, here.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Winners

Now seems like a good time to take a gaze around the market and name our 2009 Incompetent All-Star News Team.

Morning Anchor (Male): WOWT's Lithpy Loudmouth Jimmy Thiedlecki
Morning Anchor (Female): KMTV's Slow-Talking Kerri (Did she borrow her lips from Joan Rivers?) Stowell 
Morning Weatherguesser: WOWT Ejacucaster Rusty Lord, who appears to be developing a man-crush on Thiedlecki. Maybe Jimmy's like a big sister to him.

Midday Anchor: WOWT's Dialect-Challenged Maladroit Maddox (can she not hear how she sounds or does she just not care? It's not like we haven't given her 91 things—and counting—to work on.)
Midday Weatherguesser: WOWT's Andrea Rich, who just can't resist telling viewers how to behave ["Tonight's a good night to take a walk (or mow the lawn or barbeque or read a book, etc.)"] She needs to stay in the barn.

Afternoon Anchor (Male): KMTV's Craig Negrelli
Afternoon Anchor (Female): KMTV's Carol Wang
(This may be the least charismatic lead anchor team in Omaha history. Not even Channel 3rd's early-80s team of John McDonald Bob Murray and Nancy Chandler were this dull.) [Thanks to an alert reader for the correction.]
Afternoon Weatherguesser: KETV's Bill Randby, whose penchant for hysteria seems to be increasingly reminiscent of his counterpart at Channel Sux.
Afternoon Sports: WOWT's Dave Webber, who really needs to hang it up.

Evening Anchor (Male): Who's worse than J-Pa Knicely? No such animal in Omaha.
Evening Anchor (Female): Wang, again.
Evening Weatherguesser: Omaha's most-experienced Armageddon-Predicting Ejacurologist, Jim Flowers
Evening Sports: KMTV's newly deflated Travis Justice, whose shrill, grating, nasal voice might actually make J-Pa and Flowers seem tolerable.


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