Friday, October 31, 2008

Embarrassment

Goober Congressman Lee Terry, Jr. (not to be confused with bitter-sounding right-wing nut-job Lee Terry, Sr.) must know he's about to lose an election. 

Why else would he be saturating the airwaves with ads accusing challenger Jim Esch of being everything except a sex-offender? And why else would he be trying to latch onto Barack Obama's coattails?

More interesting would be an ad explaining why Terry's running for his umpteenth term when he originally promised to term-limit himself to eight six years.

Makeup

What can we say about the amazingly over-hyped new set that Channel Sux "unveiled" for its 10 p.m. Thursday newscast?

It's not horrible, but it's not the eye-popping, jaw dropping overhaul we'd been led to expect, either.

In fact, it looks like a cross between the station's old set and the one that Channel 3rd has been using for a couple of years now. The biggest changes are the addition of about ten flatscreen HD monitors and lots of blue. Both the desk and EjacuWeather center appear to be refurbished versions of  the old furniture.

The most laughable new feature is the one seems to give John Knicely a chubby: the "dot-com center." It's a stand-up table with a laptop on it and five monitors behind it. Way to get connected with the World-Wide Interwebs, J-Pa. Knicely done!

The entire exercise of set change for this pathetic outfit is analogous to putting makeup over a zit: you know what it's covering up, and so does everyone else, and underneath it all, it's still a zit. A big, unsightly, festering, pus-filled zit. The only station likely to benefit from the makeover is KETV, which will now likely be forced to spruce up its tired-looking, eleven-year-old "Newsplex."

As far as SuxNews goes, until there's a top-to-bottom housecleaning at 35th and Farnam, and as long as their idea of diversity is hiring a guy named Mario, this station is going nowhere.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Lipstick

By the way they're carrying on, you'd think it was the most exciting thing to happen at WOWT since that woman came into the station back in the '70s and started stabbing weatherman Dale Munson with a steak knife.

We're talking about the "unveiling" of the new SuxNews set, which is, according to the 20-times-per-hour promos, scheduled for Thursday at 10 p.m.

It'll be interesting to see what the new facade looks like, but putting the same passengers in different seats on the Titanic wouldn't have helped anything, and we're pretty sure that'll be the case with the Big Sux. No set in existence can make John Knicely any smarter, Jimmy Thiedlecki any leth grating, or Maladroit Maddox's voice less nasal.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Cause

An alert reader has asked us to spread the word that there's now a Facebook group dedicated to getting Channel 3rd to rid itself of Travis Justice.

OK. Good luck.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Collide-a-Scope

Someone needs to tell Angry Old Man Lee Terry, Sr. to shut the hell up.

KETV's "Kaleidescope" has been hijacked by the graceless former news anchor, and the other passengers need to overpower and, perhaps, bind and gag him until landing.

The program, which purports to be thoughtful, respectful discussion of current events by three panelists from different points on the political spectrum, invariably degenerates into Terry talking—often loudly and mockingly—over anyone who dares disagree with him.

In a typical 30-minute program, Terry seems to talk 90 percent of the time, with former newspaper writer Jim Fogarty and attorney Shawntal Smith sharing whatever's left. 

Terry should watch ABC's "This Week" or NBC's "Meet the Press" and see how it looks when panelists take turns and actually listen to each other.

Host Mike'l Severe needs to take control of the discussion, and if Old Mr. Grump can't behave like a grownup, he should be replaced. Certainly, in Nebraska, it can't be that hard to find another conservative.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Mystery

The "Carol and Craig Caravan" is on the loose again this weekend, inflicting Channel 3rd's Carol Wang and  Craig Negrelli on folks at another shopping center this Sunday afternoon. 

Once again, viewers are being enticed with the promise of "free gifts" to the first 50 people who show up. 

It's amusing to think about what these "events" look like. 

We imagine C&C  standing around awkwardly, over-dressed, and smiling nervously at passersby, while said passersby look at these two the way they might look at a Salvation Army bell-ringer if they didn't have any change to give him. That is, avoiding eye contact as much as possible, but looking up just often enough to make everyone uncomfortable.

What's even more entertaining is to imagine the meeting in which this idea was born and nurtured into existence. 

Does 3rd's management really think this is the way to raise ratings? Having its talent standing around giving stuff away? What's next—Travis Justice loitering in Wal-Mart parking lots and handing out casino coupons?

Friday, October 17, 2008

Drive

Channel 3rd is now hyping something called the "Carol and Craig Caravan." A promo features photos of anchors Carol Wang and Craig Negrelli, along with illustrations of a creepy-looking blue van.

Whatever this is, it will be at some shopping center on Sunday from 2 to 4 p.m. In addition to the chance to meet two real, live, low-rated anchors, there's a promise of "free prizes" for the first 50 dimwits who show up. 

Maybe they'll be giving away Travis Justice bobble-heads, or 8x10 glossies of Devon Patton

With exciting promotional ideas like this, that station's gonna be numero uno in no time!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Yada

Even we are getting sick of griping about Channel Sux, especially the morning show; unfortunately, they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot long enough for us to take a break.

This morning, we flipped over just in time to catch anchor Jimmy Thiedlecki, in his best know-it-all voice, trying to school someone about a Seinfeld reference.

"It was Kramer who had the puffy shirt!" he exclaimed incorrectly.

Jesus. Even the most casual Seinfeld fan knows that it was Jerry who had to wear the puffy shirt. 

"You need to keep your Theinfeld trivia straight around here," Jimmy taunted smugly.

As it is with every other subject on which he considers himself an expert, Jimmy's bragging about his Seinfeld knowledge is built on a foundation of sand.

Therenity Now!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sinking

An alert reader notes Maladroit Maddox's latest pronunciation ailment: her rendering of Amana, the name of an eastern Iowa town and countless microwave ovens.

Maddox calls it "ay-MAHN-ay."

Is someone putting lead in her coffee?

Her gaffe tops that of sports director Dave Webber, who on Friday night referred to Kearney High School's football team as "the Lopers." (The team is the known as the Bearcats. University of Nebraska-Kearney's teams are the Lopers.)

It must be impossible to embarrass these people, given that they appear to know next to nothing and display so little interest in accuracy.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Missing

SuxNews morning twits Jimmy Thiedlecki and Maladroit Maddox were missing from their broadcast  for a second consecutive day Tuesday, replaced by the genial-but-clueless Brian Latham, who looks even more lost in front of a virtual set than usual.

As for the regulars, let's hope they've been sent away for weeks of intensive voice coaching and speech therapy. It's more likely, however, that they're off taping some more of those oh-so-adorable promos that they and station (mis-)management seem to be so fond of.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Set

SuxNews anchor Tracy Madden confirmed during Sunday's evening newscast that the station is revamping its set.

Anchors had been appearing all weekend in front of a green-screen "virtual" set, standing behind a small round table that one might see in the bar of a TGIFridays. 

The makeover is the first at the station in nearly 20 years. 

According to Madden's brief announcement, the new set won't be ready until the end of the month. In the meantime, she added, there will be occasional progress reports posted on the station's "web-channel" (insert eye-roll here).

While the new set is long overdue, it won't do much good if the current regime populates it with dead wood like J-Pa, Thiedlecki, Maladroit, the Mastre-bator, Swollen Smollen, EjacucastAuthority Jumpy Jim Flowers, and the tools that help run the "Sports Machine" while Webbs naps in a Barcalounger. 

Mixing a few raisins in with mouse turds won't make that dish any more appetizing.


Friday, October 03, 2008

Twins?

Has anybody else noticed that when SuxNews' Jimmy Thiedlecki is standing outdoors shouting his "Burglaries and Break-ins" report at the camera, he sounds amazingly similar to Channel 3rd's perennial irritant, Travis Justice

We're not sure which one should be more insulted by that observation.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Stupid

Sux News caption:

Decision 2008
The Biden-Palen Debate

Idiots.
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