Thursday, September 25, 2008

Skills

While they're tutoring weatherguesser Rusty Lord about vocabulary, sending Jimmy and Maladroit to speech therapy, and trying to get the Wizard to give J-Pa a brain, the geniuses who run Channel Sux should also pull aside whoever wrote the copy for the "YouCast" promo.

In it, station announcer Mr. Lowvoice urges viewers to go to "w-o-w-t-dot-com, back-slash youcast." Unfortunately, no one in the SuxNews production chain is computer-literate enough to know that web addresses, known as urls, use forward-slashes, not back-slashes. Then again, none of them may even know what a back-slash is.

Anyway, this ad has run for weeks without correction. We were going to wait until someone caught the error. Then we remembered what station we were dealing with.

Mix

Kudos to KMTV's Devon Patton for scoring a bizarre interview Wednesday with former Husker/accused murderer Thunder Collins. The interview appeared to be conducted in a parking lot and Patton repeatedly described Collins as seeming "amused" by his situation.

A slap up side the head to the station, however, for the story that followed: an interview with an unidentified woman claiming to have seen Collins at the murder scene. 

The interview wasn't the problem. The problem was the b-roll which inexplicably featured a close-up of the woman's nasty, yellow, (apparently) fungus-infested toenails. What the hell were the folks at Channel 3rd thinking? 

We didn't check, but we're hoping they didn't run this footage during today's morning show. Can you imagine trying to eat after looking at those things?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tutoring

Would someone at SuxNews please sit down with gooberish morning weatherguesser Rusty Lord and explain to him that through and throughout are not synonyms?

The poor boy can't seem to get through a Guesscast without invoking the phrase, "as we move throughout the day," when he intends to refer to moving "through" the day.

Maybe slick hick Jimmy Thiedlecki could counsel him on-air, opening with something like, "Thufferin' thuckotash, Ruthty!"

Or perhaps Maladroit Maddox could teach him to pronounce it as if he were a nasally, backwoods 12-year-old girl.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Awards

Channel Sux is running promos about awards it has won, including Best Newscast.

Who were they competing against? Cox Channel 23? Or is this some contest that only Channel Sux enters?

Isn't this the same station that puts together a promo featuring its anchors ad-libbing and can't find J-Pa saying even one full sentence that makes sense?


Friday, September 19, 2008

Fired

KMTV is looking for a news director following Thursday's announcement to staff that Ken Dudzik is no longer working for the Urinal Broadcast Group.

Action 3rd News staffers were assured that the company was committed to improving the station's standing in the ratings and in the public's perception.

Could this be a prelude to the long overdue canning of overstuffed gasbag Travis Justice

Cross your fingers, everyone.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Bredow

We've received more than a few emails asking why mumble-mouthed meteorologist Andrea Bredow has disappeared from KETV's morning program. We had figured that word was out and we didn't need to dance on that grave, so we didn't even mention it. 

Obviously we were wrong.

But the reason is simple: she quit to take a job at Creighton.

No word on what kind of job she took, but let's hope it's not one where she has to greet others by saying, "Welcome back, AND good morning."

The best thing about this departure is that it (finally) leaves anchor John Oakey without a moron to cope with every day for two hours. In the last several years, he's been saddled with as many as three idiots at once, in the forms of Bredow, former co-anchor Elictia Hammond, and eye-candy/dimwit traffic reporters Jana Murrell and Veronica Todd.

Without all that baggage, it's now by far the best morning program in Omaha and perhaps the best Omaha's ever been treated to.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Morning Sux

Choose your favorite Jimmy Thiedlecki moment from one 20-minute segment of this morning's Channel Sux News "Live at Daybreak":

A.  Jimmy tells viewers that recent "events have shook up Plattsmouth." (Apparently Jimmy hasn't took any grammar learnin' yet.)

B. Jimmy, thinking he is quite cute, alludes to the "Tour DAY Lance, er France." (Will someone please tell this bumpkin that the vowel sound in the French de rhymes with the "oo" sound in book? He's embarrassed himself to the point that even we feel sorry for him.)

C. Jimmy announces the topic of today's "Top Thix Litht": Thibling Thport-th Rivalriethe. (We love whatever producer is picking these topics. Any time Jimmy is required to say lots of s sounds in a row means good old-fashioned fun!)

Send your favorite to Jimmy and tell him how glad we are to have talent of his caliber yelling the news at us each morning.
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