Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Ted's Winter Forecast

This winter, expect some cold days and some snow.

It will snow before Thanksgiving, unless it doesn't, in which case, our first snowfall will definitely come after Thanksgiving. It will be cold in January and February, which isn't to say that there might not be a few warmish days sprinkled in here and there.

Around March, it'll start to get warmer and the grass will begin to green up.

Oh, and at least once between now and March, WOWT's Jim Flowers will warn us about a gargantuan snowstorm. One that we'll tell our grandkids about. One that will dump at least three hundred inches of snow on us. One that will cancel school until the year 2013 and make disabled people walk again. One that will cause Jim to jump in an SUV and drive around telling us via cellphone what he sees.

But then it'll only bring us about a half-inch of snow, if that, and Jim will explain that it just barely missed us.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Brockman is not a trained meteorologist. His forecasts are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as investment advice, to plan weddings, or to schedule the planting of crops and/or the care of livestock.]


Jess said...

Oh damn I was so worried that I'd missed out on something new and different that will happen this winter in Nebraska !
Thanks for making it so clear !

Ok I've gotta go and buy a coat because it might get cold and/or snow and/or rain and/or sleet sometime before June.

damnyankee said...

and even with the disclaimer TB's forecast is just as reliable as the area's "most experienced meteorologist".

makes you wonder what he's actually most experienced at, doesn't it?

Brian said...

damnyankee, doesn't the porn 'stache make that obvious?

Boom chicka bow wow...


damnyankee said...

Gotta get this in quickly - the forecast is about to commence!!!

Brian I'd prefer to go with fishing, scrapbooking, or something that doesn't require me to poke out my minds' eye.

And hey jess - don't forget to stock up on quarters for the inevitable 'car wash alert'....

For the love of Pete....

joeygrisgris said...

Don't you just know, yesterday was one of the "top ten days of the year".

Jess said...

Oh damn..." top ten" kills me...I mean counting to ten is a big deal don't get me wrong but many times PAST ten can we have a top ten day ?!?!

Wasn't it a car wash alert day too ? I just assumed it would be so I got up and got to the car wash at 4 a.m. to beat the rush !

photofarm said...

The wooly worm was totally light brown this year, so it will be a mild and nice winter, warmer and dryer than average.

Melanie said...

There's a load off.

MG73 said...

If Channel Six really wants to bring in the ratings this winter, they need to turn up the melodrama even more than usual (as impossible as that may sound)

Step One: Instead of calling it a "Nuisance snow" or "Plowable snow", they need to add a new category: "Armageddon snow".

More importantly...If there's a Winter Storm Warning, they need to go to Red Alert Mode. The entire Channel Six studio would go dark, except for the flashing red lights and the sounds of a klaxon. Along with that WOWT voice-over guy saying, "This is not a drill".

They could moments of "unscripted" horror where Jeff Jensen says, "I'm forecasting 6-8 inches of snow" and they cut to Merlin Kraus whispering, "My God". Then an emotional outburst by John Kniceley where he says, "I just want to let my family know that if the worst happens, Daddy loves you!!". Followed by a stunning announcement by Jim Flowers, "As the Heartland's Most Experienced Chief Meteorologist, and in spite of Mayor Fahey's persisent objections, I hereby call for the immediate evacuation of the Omaha-Metro Area"

Oh, it will work.

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