Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Bring Me the One They Call "Kreskin"

We left work Wednesday around 4:30 in the afternoon, fully prepared to battle the two inches of slushy snow that WOWT Ejacuweather meteorologist Jim Flowers spent so much of Tuesday's broadcasts warning about. So the dry pavement surprised us, as did the sunshine.

What was especially great was the way empty-headed anchor John Kniceley had given Jumpy Jim a premature pat on the back the night before, saying something like, "You told us in your winter forecast a couple of weeks ago that this would happen!"

Indeed he did. And it didn't.

While Flowers' fits of hysteria are generally limited to evenings, viewers looking for weather-related adrenaline rushes first thing in the morning should turn to KETV's "FirstNews."

On Monday, the whole gang was buzzing with talk of slick streets, potential danger, and the like, led by annoying anchor Elicita Hammond and mumbling meteorologist Andrea Bredow, who seems to be in about the fourth year of a really bad head-cold.

What was particularly surreal about Monday's babbling was that the FirstNewsers kept having to interrupt their euphoria to report that things weren't really that bad and that motorists were unlikely to encounter problems. The main reason for this, of course, was that virtually every street in town was DRY. Dry, as in not containing even a thin film of moisture. Dry, as in the same as they'd be on just about any other morning.

Honestly, would any of us be worse off if we got our weather predictions from psychics, tea leaves, or our horoscopes?


MG73 said...

Oh, be careful what you wish for. Because once in a blue moon they get their mega-drama storm forecast right (if you play the same lottery numbers long enough, eventually you'll win something).

And then you have to sit through three weeks of commercials: "Only our master prognosticators correctly predicted 5 inches of snow in the Great December Blizzard of 2006. Only our news team was at the Ace Hardware when people were buying shovels. Only our news-crawl reported Mutual of Omaha would be having a two hour late start".

If the weather folks had to run that many commercials every time they were wrong, we'd never the Geico caveman again.

Omababe said...

>... the two inches of slushy snow that
>WOWT Ejacuweather meteorologist Jim
>Flowers spent so much of Tuesday's
>broadcasts warning about.

I don't know about you, but it sure annoys me when we have this yearly game-playing of the weatherguessers trying to out-do each other with snow forecasts and ... and ... yes, and, many of us playing along. :(

When it finally *DOES* snow enough to be noticed, I'll go into work to a cacaphony of "barely made it in" stories, again, all the guys (and sorry, it is usually guys doing this) trying to out-do each other again.

Tóózy said...

Ya know, I've defended Breadeaux, Bredow (hey, what's the difference? They both look like they're made of starch!) in the past, calling her “OK, in a chubby niece sort of way.” But damn, lately she's just grinding the word DECENT in the ground. Every frickin' day it's “A DEEE-cent day” or “DEEEE-cent temperature” or “ DEEEEE-cent precipitation”. It's like fingernails scratching a chalk­board that early in the day. Christ, it's enough to make me want to reach through the screen and give her a good goddamn DEE-CENT smack in the chops.

And you have to go and get me riled-up about Pornstache Flowers. That dick-weed couldn't forecast a hard three inches if he had a triple dose of Viagra and gallon of Astroglide while getting a lap dance. I'd have to snort an entire 8-ball and slug down about half a bottle of whiskey to tolerate watching that buffoon prance about the set anymore.

And you're being to hard on Hammond. You just know Oakeys sittin' there wearing his musk cologne made from musk deer, musk ox, muskrat and muskmelon. That cheesy smile on his face while in his mind he's paraphrasing Prince, “cuz I got a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some of them used” and giving Hammond his best Fabio leer while he's off camera.

A final note, the other night I caught that dude on the channel 15 news. It was some of the dumbest shit that made me laugh out loud lately, and I felt better informed at the end than watching a week of news from 6 or 7. I'm still laughing at that Matthew McConaughey impersonation. I think I'll watch that at 10 p.m. from now on. So I'm an idiot, so's everybody watching 6 news also!

justthefacts said...

I never believe a word that comes out of that idiot Flower's mouth anymore. Not after his brilliant forecast I heard a few years ago. It was about 10am on a Saturday morning and he was giving a live radio forecast on a local station. He was predicting a monster storm that was going to dump almost 8" of snow by 6p that night. As you can guess, we ended up with only flurries that day. The "Big One" missed us completely. This bozo talks up all his impressive weather-guessing equipment and he couldn't predict what the weather would be only 8 hours away. Pathetic.

husker80 said...

Toozy -
AMEN on the "DEE-cent"! I astound my wife by saying "DEE-cent" simultaneously with Andrew (did you mean to call her that, Ted?), just because I know she hasn't used the word in four minutes.

Of course, also heavy in her lexicon is "shock to the system" whenever the temperature is ten degrees cooler the next day. And look for the addition of "sh" to her system now that cold weather is here, in the form of "shnow," "shlush," "weather mapsh," and "moishhture."

I used to give Andrew a break when I thought she was fresh out of j-school. She's not so fresh anymore, and the slurring, the stammering, the repetition, the glasses, and even the wardrobe has gotten old.

Melanie said...

This is same ole, same ole crap. I'M waiting for how much does the "12 days of Christmas" REALLY cost. You know because THAT'S a WAY better news story.

How the hell do they determine how much ten lords a frickin' leaping cost?

BTW, am I the only one how wants that song to go away and die? I like Christmas music, but Jesus Christ, no more of that piece of crap.

Sorry, just wanted to vent.

I know this post was supposed to be about the weather but I digress, someone mentioning hard three inches and Flowers again made me freak out. (In a bad way. Stop it Toozy...)

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