This morning we found ourselves torn: should we watch local stations soil themselves over the prospect of 1-3 inches of snow or bask in the otherworldliness of the infomercial on KPTM that used phrases like "caked-on fecal matter"? Turns out there wasn't much difference.
Our favorite moments from Channel 7's exaggerated coverage:
• Elictia Hammond standing on Douglas Street, just feet from the station's front door, pointing, as cars zoomed by at 35 m.p.h., to a two-foot-wide patch of snow that was maybe five flakes deep.
• Andrea Bredow announcing in her most authoritative voice (which isn't very) that "moisture is making it to the ground."
• The cake-topper, however, came from superfluous in-studio beauty-pageant-has-been/traffic reporter Jana Murrell who, at least twice, exhorted viewers to keep their speeds down so that "we can turn those major-injury accidents into minor fender-benders!"
God Bless John Oakey. There must be days when he feels like he's doing volunteer work with the mentally retarded.