Monday, September 12, 2005

FirstPrimeNewsWatchLive: Where the Bullshit Never Stops

• As we watched Ned Flanders Jim Flowers prattle through the weather segment recently on Channel 6, we were inspired to compile a list of meaningless phrases and useless add-ons we see on local newscasts. (Most of these have the stink of "Consultant" all over them.) The Big Six probably holds the lead in this arena, as well, but we could be wrong. Here's what we've come up with so far:

Channel 6:
Precision Doppler 6000
Precision Forecast
Precision Forecasters
No-Wait Forecast (or is it No-Weight?)
No-Wait Precision Forecast
Precision Futurecast
Precision Webcast
Weather Where You Live
News Where You Live
Lead-off Sports
Sports Machine
Neighborhood Tracker
6 On Your Side
Our Heartland Children
Sheila Brummer

Channel 7:
Big Red Zone
7 Can Help
7 Can Help Kids
Super Doppler Storm Team
First News

Channel 3:
First Warning
For What It's Worth

Channel 42:
Prime Assignment
Calvert Collins


RogerJohnson said...

KETV - Weather and Traffic to Go & Birthdays on the 7's

Just a few I thought of...

bandit75 said...

Channel 6 - Brian New

Charles said...

I could do without Big Red Zone and the redundant 7 can help (can help kids), but most of Channel 7's at least look decent.

As for Precision Channel 6, I think I need an "on-air" bag. How can you have no-wait weather and lead off sports. One has to come before the other. If its weather, you are hardly leading off with sports, and if its sports, you are most certainly waiting for the weather.

Gary said...

Speaking of meaningless verbage - I groan every time I hear television news people insert the word "now" into their stories (ie., "Now, donations can be made at any Super Saver location.")

And what is the infatuation with the word "certainly" inserted willy nilly in people's sentences?

bandit75 said...

Or "reporting live" when they are standing next to each other.

gerrishnut said...

The lack of Courtny Gerrish Monday through Friday is the biggest bullshit on Omaha TV.

Not only is Gerrish hot, but she knows her stuff.

Ted, you need to try to set up an interview with Ms. Gerrish. She's obviously the most liked person ont his board.

DarthSchrader said...

Here are some segments that just didn't make the cut.

Channel 7: "What's Growing In Julie's Uterus?"
--A segment dedicated to Julie Cornell, in which viewers try to determine if Julie is having a boy or a girl, what the race is, and what the birth height/weight will be. Julie will provide hints, and will update viewers on the progress inside her uterus.

Channel 6: "North Omaha Sports Machine"
--This takes the boring sports segment, and adds needed action and violence to the report. Dave Webber will have a live shot from North Omaha, where teens from the area will compete in a foot race. Unfortunately, the contestants all run for cover when Dave fires the starting gun.

Channel 3rd: "I Challenge Travis"
--This segment was to be used to counter the 'I Challenge John' segment Channel 7 did. The problem was that everyone challenged Travis to cheat death. Example letters included, "I challenge Travis to see if he can untie himself from his chair as I fire a gun at him." and "I challeneg Travis to survive a 30 story fall from a water tower."

Channel 42: "You Be The Anchor"
--In this segment, viewers register to be the newscaster. The anchor changes every week. I guess they kept that segment.

rivercity_jack said...

What about those catchy titles for news shows? I mean I think it's time that KETV retire the "KETV NEWSWATCH 7" title. KMTV wised up in the mid 90's and dumped the "News Center 3" name in favor of the more practical sounding Channel 3 News then later to KM3 news. Simple, yet effective. KETV should rename their news program "ABC 7 News" or something of that sort. Many local news organizations have dropped those 1970's/80's era "Action News", "NewsCenter", "NewsWatch" titles. Remember when WOWT's news was "Action News 6"? Even the reactionary minded management at channel 6 gradually simplified their news show title to "6News". Now if only the BIG SIX can update their on air talent. As for the weather station/radar titles, I would agree that these stations pay consultants millions of dollars to come up with Super Doppler 7 Radar, or Precision Doppler 6000. All 3 stations use the exact same doppler technology, just different graphics package and names.

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