Thursday, June 30, 2005

A Mid-Year Resolution

After much thoughtful consideration (or what passes for it here at the OMAnews offices), we've decided that for the month of July, we're going to totally ignore the Big Six.

No, you're not hallucinating. We've decided to take a break from the Six-bashing. The plan is that no matter what happens in the Kingdom of Jonas and Clark, we're keeping our thoughts to ourselves. To give you a sense of what we have in mind, we've prepared this brief Q&A:

Q: What if Pat Persaud were to come back, put her head down on the anchor desk, and sleep through through an entire "Ten at Ten" EVERY night? Then, would you write about it?

A: Not a chance.

Q: What if a tornado hits and Jim Flowers is shown sitting in a recliner, calmly reading a fishing magazine and then saying "SuperDoppler 6000, my ass" on the air. Certainly, you'd mention that, right?

A: Certainly not.

Q: Okay. How about if, in the middle of the Saturday 10 p.m. news, Courtny Gerrish finally snaps and starts screaming at Paul Baltes to start carrying his share of the load, beating him mercilessly with a rolled-up newspaper and dropping variations of the f-bomb every other word? You wouldn't be able to resist that, would you?

A: Be able we would.

Q: What if WOWT delivered one entire 4 p.m. newscast that was (1) full of fresh, substantive stories, (2) free of technical glitches, and (3) free of consultant-driven gimmicks and slogans?

A: Okay, now you're just talkin' crazy.

So maybe that wasn't all that helpful. But you get the idea. No mention of Channel 6 for an entire month. Starting tomorrow.


the_s_man said...

ill believe it when i see it

Renee said...

It's not broadcast on channel 6 for Cox cable subscribers. Are you sure you won't mention it under another number?

Ted Brockman said...

No such trickery here, Renee. Anyway, we only refer to stations by the numbers God gave them back in the 1940s and '50s. Cable TV numbering is the work of those damned secular humanists and their One World Government conspiracy.

David said...

Ah man! Self censorship? Please say it isn't so!
Nobody deserves a free pass for a whole month.
I look forward to your daily stories about every and any news network/channel or (personality).

allpowerful&Knowing said...

Is this where I come if I don't have a life and I have no friends or family...Someplace I can call my own and feel good dis'ing others so I forget about my own pain?

If so - See ya next week!

photomat said...

Man! What a put-down! I think "omaha tv news" should just hang their heads in shame. Sounds like your feelings are hurt. Stay away from the blog if you can't stand a little dose of truth. It's a ''good'' thing to have the right to free-speech.

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