Thursday, April 21, 2005

Pat Gets Loose Again

Never one to overtax herself, especially since she's just 34 days away from "retirement," teenie-weenie WOWT anchor Pat Persaud managed to take another day off on Wednesday. Since Tracy Madden is away this week, probably resting up from doing her job and Pat's for so many weeks, Rebecca Kleeman filled in.

If we had the wherewithal, we'd open our own offshore, online casino and take bets on whether that little dickens will show up on a given day, how many days she'll miss between now and May 25th, or how many times she'll say "[reporter's name], reporting live." The possibilities for betting lines are endless.

In lieu of that, maybe we could organize a county-wide "Where's Pat?" game. Anyone with a digital camera could keep an eye out for the city's most famous sick-day-taker and snap a picture, which could then be submitted for posting here. And we could develop our own version of WOWT's "Neighborhood Tracker," plotting Pat sightings on a map. Who knows? Maybe the dots would form a pattern, like 6-6-6 or something.

For those days when Pat does grace the studio with her presence, there could be a Pat drinking game. One sip for each time she starts a sentence with the word "and." Two sips for each time she stumbles over her copy. Three sips for each random giggle. And a chug for each utterance of her inane "reporting live" tag. The spike in alcohol poisoning cases might draw attention from the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, so maybe this drinking game isn't such a good idea after all. We don't want that much suffering on our consciences.

Yeah, we'd better just stick with working ourselves into a trance: "Thirty-four, thirty-four, thirty-four, thirty-four..."

3 comments:

Will said...

So, why IS Pat Persaud taking so much time off? Is this her way of giving The Finger to WOWT?

And Rebecca Kleeman? Boring.

By the way, I'm out in L.A. on business this week, and let me tell you, local news out here is no better. The big difference is that the coverage out here tends to be much more sensationalistic, i.e. lots of (live) coverage of police chases, murders, and traffic accidents. And Colleen Williams somehow manages to look younger than her sister.

gerrishnut said...

Someone give Kleeman C.P.R! She has no heartbeat. She looks almost scared doing the news.

Can WOWT make her look anymore boring?

I did like the promo she did on her back for the new Sony PSP.

Ted Brockman said...

Why Pat would be giving the finger to WOWT is hard to figure. Without them she'd still be in Sioux City, where she belongs. It's amazing that they tolerated her shallowness and incompetence for as long as they have. If anyone should be giving 6 the finger, it's viewers, for subjecting us to her for at least five or six years more than her performance warranted.

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