Thursday, March 10, 2005

Retirement Watch: 76 Lethargic Days Left

As nice as it is to know that there's an end in sight, we can't help but wish Pat Persaud could speed this whole "retirement" process up a bit. Watching her stumble her way through the 10 o'clock news feels even more excruciating than usual. Why? Consider these examples from Wednesday night's ordeal:
• When blandmaster Brian Mastre noted that paramedics had assisted a pregnant woman caught in a traffic backup following a police pursuit, Pat invoked her favorite adjective, "amazing," in response. To make matters worse, she followed that meaningless comment with another old favorite: "Brian Mastre, reporting live."
• Displaying her dazzling writing skills, she capped a story on an Elkhorn businessman's protest banner by telling us that, "People are showing their support for his signs by honking and waving as they drive by." KM3's Sarah Simmons did a story featuring the very same man and was able to resist the urge to share this worthless piece of information. (Note to Pat: This is called editing. It involves cutting out information that isn't essential to the story. It takes place when you're writing your copy, before you go on the air. You should try it sometime.)
• Pat also stunned viewers with a story on rising gas prices, noting that "because many items are carried over the road, we can expect to see higher prices on goods and services." Really? How many hours of research do you suppose it took her to craft that little economics lesson?
• Guess what Pat said when Andrea McMaster finished an in-studio follow-up to a story on a suspected murderer? Yep, "Andrea McMaster, reporting live." (Note to Pat, Part 2: GIVE IT A REST! We can see Andrea in the same frickin' shot with you, so WE KNOW SHE'S REPORTING LIVE. We agree with one of our readers, who commented that every time you say that, he wants to stick a fork in his ear. Would it be so hard to just leave it at "Thanks, Andrea"?)
• Combine Pat's imbecillic remarks with her delivery, which suggests she's reading all her copy cold, and it's hard to believe we're in Omaha and not some market a third the size.

Either no one at the Big Six has been alerting her to her dismal performance for the past five or six years (in which case, her superiors should've been punished) or she's been ignoring the advice (in which case, she should've been fired). Whichever is true, it'd be nice if one of these parties would at least pretend to give a shit between now and the end of May.

2 comments:

kadavy said...

AARRRGH! The irony is driving me nuts.

"Pat also stunned viewers with a story on rising gas prices, noting that 'because many items are carried over the road, we can expect to see higher prices on goods and services.' Really? How many hours of research do you suppose it took her to craft that little economics lesson?"

How about this? Really? Television news, and especially local television news is inane? What an observation! I'm sure they are perfectly aware that their target market has the intelligence of a three-toed sloth, and would probably be surprised to learn that gas prices might have an effect on the price of a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best. They are probably very impressed by extremely long zucchinis, giant rubber band balls dropping out of airplanes and firefighters rescuing kittens from trees.

You know local TV news sucks, they probably know they suck, yet you still watch it every night. Do you expect it to stop sucking? It's only appropriate that I lay on thick the point that I'm making here: the only thing more useless than the local TV news, is a site that points out how useless it is.

I am aware of how that point contradicts its own existence.

Ted Brockman said...

First, don't give irony too much credit. Second, there are many things less useful than TV news and this blog. We took a look at your blog, for example. (The "Graphic Design Book Club"?! Wank-Wank.)

TV news does not suck, as a rule. Much of it, in fact, is just fine. We try to point out those instances in which it is done especially well. And when there are individuals or stories that warrant criticism or ridicule, we do our best to deliver that, too.

Ironic or not, that's the focus of ths blog. If it's too much for you, just stay away. Go make some treats for your little book club or something.

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