Friday, March 25, 2005

Next to Hydrogen, the Most Common Element in the Universe is Stupidity

Proving once and for all that what God gives with one hand, he takes away with the other, Channel 6 this week helped relieve our PFS (Persaud Fatigue Syndrome) by giving John and PP the week off AND giving us Tracy Madden in their absence. Unfortunately, with Tracy came that dim bulb, Brian Mastre, who appears to have studied Pat's ad-lib technique all too closely.

Viewers were treated to two delightful examples of those finely-honed skills on Thursday's broadcasts. After Dave Webber rolled tape of a batter being called out because his thrown bat hit the ball in fair territory (an almost unheard-of occurrence), Mastre, for at least the second time this week, demonstrated his intricate knowledge of sports, telling Dave, "I don't think he did that on purpose." Pro that he is, Webber, looking a bit baffled by the remark, managed to chuckle his way out of the segment.

Then, coming out of Jim Flowers' StormTracker SkyVision Double-Dog-Diggity Super-Duper Precision Doppler forecast, Mastre said the snow Jim was predicting would be "scenic." Madden, apparently unable to restrain herself, turned sharply and blurted out "It's March!" and with her look seemed to add, "You Idiot!"

This is what we're talking about when we say the Big Six is sorely in need of some new male on-air talent.


Joe Swank said...

Dave Webber a Professional??? This buffoon needs to be retired. He constanly mispronounces names, doesnt have a clue about sporting events, and his scores are so far behind. Last night he had the Texas Tech WV game at half when it was well into the 2nd. I switched over to 7 and Schutz had it up to date. It is painfully obvious that Webber does as little preperation as possible and is there just to chuckle. I believe the only reason he is still there is the blue hairs that watch love the teddy bear figure and the nice young man that does the physicans mutual ads.

Luke said...

Brian Mastre is my vote for Omaha's own version of Puxatony Phil. I love how scared he sounds going up to the window of someone just stopped for speeding:

"Uh...sir? I'm (gulp) Brian Mastre." He sounds like a 10 yr-old telling the neighbor his baseball broke their window.

Sorry, Bri, great hair and capped teeth don't get you any points in the real world.

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