Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Breaking Down Barriers

At the risk of another pummeling in the comments section, we have to admit that we just can't get Pat Persaud's self-aggrandizing resignation letter out of our heads. In particular, we are taken with her being so "proud to have tackled subjects that were once taboo on tv." Yes, we had forgotten what a trailblazer she was. Some highlights:

2005: Pat singlehandedly discovers the dangers behind arthritis drugs Celebrex, Vioxx, and similar products using nothing more than a home chemistry set.

2004: After moderating a political debate, Pat repeatedly reassures an agitated Congressman Lee Terry that masturbation does not cause blindness.

2001: Pat uses the word "breast" while urging women to adopt a buddy system to conduct monthly self-exams. "Breast" supplants Pat's previously-used euphemisms like "woman parts," "boobies," and "ta-tas."

1998: Taking a cue from former presidential candidate Bob Dole, Pat thrusts the term "erectile dysfunction" into our faces, during a three-part series entitled "No More Shrinky Dinks." John Knicely seems unusually interested in this story.

1997: After moderating a political debate, Pat repeatedly reassures an agitated Mayor Hal Daub that masturbation does not cause blindness.

1992: Midday news viewers receive tactful advice from Pat, Extension Agent John Fech, and Farm Director Bryce Anderson about the secret shame of Tomato Leaf-Spot .

1991: In the wake of Magic Johnson's announcement that he is HIV-positive, Pat gives the issue a local spin with a report Channel 6 calls "We Have Famous Diseases Here, Too: HIV in the Heartland."

1989: In a "very special" Live at 5, Ross Jernstrom reveals that he was once molested by one of Greg Wagner's stuffed fish.

1982: Pat interviews an Omaha man whose brother's neighbor's college roommate was at the Philadelphia convention that gave rise to the term "Legionnaire's Disease."

1979: In an episode of "Diffr'nt Strokes" entitled "That's My Willy You Talkin' 'Bout!" Pat tactfully explains sex to a confused Gary Coleman, who, viewers notice, is two inches taller than Pat.

1976: Pat, Gloria, and The Meathead teach Archie how to talk with Edith about the lump in her "boobie."

No wonder she's proud.


Anonymous said...

That was hilarious! Keep 'em coming!

Anonymous said...

By far, the funniest post ever.

My favorite was Jernstrom's admission. Of course, he was at Channel 7 in '86, but who cares.

In fact, I can't believe Jernstrom has flown under the radar for the duration of this blog. Come on, the "fingers on a chalk board" whiny voice, misplaced self-satisfaction that rivals Hammond, and other annoying idiosyncracies...let's devote some more time to Ross!

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